conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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