Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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