She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
