SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
