its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
