If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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