Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
