Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
