fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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