im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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