my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
