Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
