Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
