so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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