i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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