No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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