I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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