He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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