I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
