I can't watch pbs sober anymore
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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