hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize