wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize