Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
