***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize