oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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