I want to walk on stilts...naked
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
