matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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