FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
