i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
