Got a toothbrush?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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