apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
