why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
