ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
