Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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