honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
