Kiss
Puke
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
