note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
