I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
