Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sext me about skeletons
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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