if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
