my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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