his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
