so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
