My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
