My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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