youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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