sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just had sex bonerless
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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