The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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