Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish i was in the wii world.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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