If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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