U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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