yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
