It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You need Xanax blowdarts
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
