I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
