Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I AM VODKA MAN
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
