She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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