My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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