She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize