In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize