you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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