My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
