I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
