The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
