oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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