I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
