I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
